so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
