I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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