So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
