quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i was born a porn star she said
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
