She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
