Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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