He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
