3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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