I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
