I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
