I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
