you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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