Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
