Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Randomize
