Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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