I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
