i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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