Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
