I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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