You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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