Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
