I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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