new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
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