Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
