I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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