Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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