Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Soap is not a condiment
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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