i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
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