wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
