My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
