and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize