So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
