Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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