remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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