I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
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they call him Oral-B. enough said
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
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And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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