he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
