And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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