I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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