READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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