All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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