it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
