You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
