Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
