sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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