dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
