So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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