I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
is it fun? or sober?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
