i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
