No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
