If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
