If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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