if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
So many bounce houses so little time
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Randomize
