i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
