He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
