I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
