Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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