i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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