Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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