omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
and you fell through a lawn chair
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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