how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
