I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
