Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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