Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
