if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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