My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
