Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
