The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
my shit smells like andre
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
