Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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