it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
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Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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