i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
