i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize