yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
