I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
