Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
