Do you still have your period?
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
