I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
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